Stuck in a loop

I am stuck in a loop…loop
Suffering from Insomnia drives you crazy and wears you down bit by bit.
Part of the problem is my strong alcoholism,
which at this point went out of hand.
I don’t have the resources to support such a lifestyle,
yet I am here trying to get drunk every night.
At this point, I don’t even know why I started to abuse alcohol that much.
It might be the crippling depression
that has been haunting me for almost 3 years now.
I only have myself to reflect, people judge, people hurt,
that’s the reason why I am anti-social in the first place.
I’ve become something I never wanted to be.

Yet I have so many “Online Friends”
that want to be part of my life and share time with me.
I don’t want to turn them down, I am too exhausted to fight,
so I give them all my energy and awareness whenever they call me.
For those Friends, I need to be some sort of Superman that has all the answers and all the time in the world to accompany them whenever they need me.
And when I fail them once, they throw me in the trash, forget about me,
delete me out of their life because in their head there is no room for failure.
I am in war with ghosts, ghosts in my head that hold me back from becoming the one person that I need to be in order
to overcome my depression and escape this loop.

The one “Real Friend” that I have left (“Real” as in social)
does not understand how I feel, he is too ignorant and stuck in his own little loop.
That’s why I keep distance, because he judges, people judge,
I don’t want to be judged, not without them knowing me.
I don’t want them to know me, I am not their Superman…
I don’t want them to turn their backs on me for failing.
I can’t escape the loop.

I am not even able to clean my home proper,
how am I supposed to clean up my life?
I found myself again after searching myself for almost 3 years.
3 years of anxiety, 3 years without confidence, 3 years of suicide thoughts.
I am myself, I don’t want to hide, I stand for my opinions.
I am too tired to fight…

But people judge, so I have to convince them or they turn their backs on me.
I chose to run, to escape the world, so I don’t have to fight anymore.
Now I am alone.
The only family I have left is my aunt.
She has her own life, she got 3 kids, and I chose to run.
More than 500 miles tearing this small family apart now.
I can’t admit that I did a huge mistake, chasing my dreams.
People will judge me for failing, they will turn their backs on me…
I am not a Superman.

It is all in my hands to turn this around.
All I want now is to sleep and never wake up again.
Turn down the voices in my head,
that prevent me from thinking in straight thoughts.
I am driving down a road with a clear dead end to it.
I see the wall.
But I am too tired to fight.
I will fail, and I will judge myself.

Why did you exchange your son for an overdose Mum?
Did you not see the dead end at the end of the road you were driving down?
Why didn’t you take any responsibility for your actions Dad?
Can’t you see that people are judging?
Grandma was the only one fighting for me…
Grandma never judged.
But she got tired of fighting.
Now I am alone.
She never asked to be a superhero.

I have to wake up, I can’t, I am too tired…
People only will stop to judge when I become a Superman.
I am not Superman.

The Game of Ropes – Heroes of Warcraft: #Hearthstone – Game Review


As a player of several card games such as Yu-Gi-Oh! and Magic the Gathering, I am experienced enough to play something simple like Hearthstone. Right?

When I started playing this game I didn’t realize how in depth Hearthstone is. Compared to the other titles like Yu-Gi-Oh, every single turn counts and the possibilities seem endless.

All nine classes

Druid, Rogue, Hunter, Shaman, Warrior, Paladin, Mage, Priest  and Warlock. Each class has a completely different play style according  to their class ability and given class cards.

Some might say they feel like the characters in the game ‘World of Warcraft’, because you stack up a ton of armor with the warrior while you play combos and use different buffs for your weapon like a Rogue would in WoW.

To explain all features would go beyond the scope, so let us focus on the two different types of gameplay: Arena and Constructed.

Constructed is fairly easily explained, you use your given class cards and the cards that you unlock. The longer you play, the better your deck gets and you might be able to climb ladder in ranked.

Arena Draft
Arena Draft

Arena is the other side of the medal and here is the point where it gets interesting. You choose 1 of 3 cards given at this moment till up to 30 out of 90 cards. Once your deck is drafted you get queued into other random decks. Your goal is it to get to 12 wins without losing more then 3 times, otherwise you get knocked out and your run with this deck ends.

Knowing how to out value your opponent and playing around the cards that can lose you the game is where you can shine, the longer you play the better you get.

Arena is not easy so I recommend watching some guides or streamers before you lay your hands on arena for the first time cause it costs gold that you need to unlock adventures  or to buy new card packs.

Here 2 of my favourite arena “infinite” streamers

Twitch Streamer: Retrogold
Twitch Streamer: Phleetwood

Going infinite means having an average score higher then 7 wins. When you get decent enough and you start to get more then 5 wins you will realize that you get more value out of playing arena then just buying straight up card packs. Being able to make the right calls and right plays will take a long time and the learning curve is huge! That is the point where the “rope” comes in. It is a mechanic that forces you to make a play because each turn lasts a maximum of 75 seconds. After a while playing you will see it appear more often, cause you think about your turns and solutions how to stay  in the game and don’t fall behind.

How often do you rope? Let us know in the comment section below. Don’t forget to share this review with your friends and family and found out what they think!

Trickylady Suffering aka the Beginning of a Career?

So, today I passed by at Trickylady’s stream. I met her the first time in a random stream by Heartstone player Telrad and she was kinda nice to me so I stayed a bit after the stream went offline and had a chat with her.

She modded me on her Stream full of Creeps and Trolls,  she was sure however, that those guys actually support her.

One Week later, I check her Stream again , and I am happy to see that she has like 50+ views out of nowhere. But why is that? The trolls became a huge Army, spamming mean comments, turning up the volume of her music on Moobot, requesting the most racist and annoying songs (what is a dumb idea to leave that to trolls), getting her kicked out of a Counter-Strike: Global Offensive competitive match due to too much damage done to her team mates and ruining a perfectly good Quiplash game.

I was like “Maybe I should start to time out people that hurt her…” Guess what you guys, the trolls said to her that “I banned her actual followers” so she removed my mod status, I am not really hurt about that to be honest.

Trickylady's chatThe guys in the Stream, full of cancer, were making her cry, and I am not sorry about it. Why? Because she chooses to go through this. Maybe, she needs it or even deserves it. I don’t know. Maybe, one day, she will get famous and all this suffering paid off. In my opinion she wastes her talents for a way to low cost.

Thanks for giving me the chance to write a blogpost about something I CARE about. Which is YOU, Trickylady!

Greetings, your “Friend” NiewolosLP

P.s. Have fun with those guys that love to see you cry.